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Families upset by order to remove grave tributes at St Peter’s Church in Bredhurst

Concerns over graveside memorials are threatening to shatter the peace of a quiet rural churchyard.

Relatives of loved ones buried in the graveyard at St Peter’s Church in Bredhurst have been told they must remove “tributes” which contravene regulations within three months.

These include certain types of stone mementoes, shrubs and ornaments.

Nicola Conway at her mother Carol's grave at Bredhurst churchyard
Nicola Conway at her mother Carol's grave at Bredhurst churchyard

The rules, outlined in a letter on August 1, stated that if items were not taken away by families within the time limit they would be removed by churchyard attendants.

The Conroy family are among those upset and angry about the stipulations.

Nicola Conroy’s mother Carol was buried in the cemetery more than 20 years ago having lost her battle against leukaemia at the age of 38.

Her mum was fond of teddy bears and used to love drawing them when she was ill, so the family placed a stone bear looking up at her at the foot of her grave.

Chris Conroy tends his wife’s graveside regularly and has put down a lining and gravel stone to stop weeds sprouting through.

Daughter Nicola, 38, said her family have close connections with Bredhurst and it was important that her mother was laid to rest in the village.

The mum-of-four said: “Both myself and my sister sang in the choir and my brother was christened here. The old vicar even returned to take my mother’s funeral.

“We buried my mother here in February 1995 and we have never had any complaints. Now we are told everything, the gravel and teddy must go.”

Mrs Conroy added: “I can understand if it was a bit tacky or if it was difficult for the gardener to mow the grass.

“But that’s not the case. This is not Poundland.

“I’ve read about some places in the country where there have been complaints about wind chimes which have interrupted people saying prayers interrupted people mourning and saying prayers. But there’s nothing like that here.”

Overgrown graves at Bredhurst churchyard
Overgrown graves at Bredhurst churchyard

Elsewhere children’s toys, solar lights and artificial flowers have been banned.

Mrs Conroy, a teaching assistant of Burnham Walk, Rainham, said: “In the winter months it’s hard to get fresh flowers that keep in bad weather, so what is the harm in some silk or plastic flowers?”

A spokesman for the Diocese of Rochester said: “All Church of England churchyards are subject to churchyard regulations.

“These are put in place to ensure consistency and fairness and to provide a dignified space for people to grieve.

“Although it is a difficult time, the bereaved are usually informed about these regulations when a funeral is arranged and a copy of them is usually available on the church noticeboard.

“The PCC (Parochial Church Council) at St Peter’s Church Bredhurst decided to remind people of the regulations and give mourners three months to remove tributes which contravene the regulations.

“The Church of England strives to treat this delicate issue with sensitivity, while recognising that it is important that fairness and dignity are preserved for all.”

The Rev Brian Senior, the team rector for the Parish of South Gillingham, said appeals regarding memorials can be made to the diocese chancellor, who is the legal officer.

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