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Secret Drinker reviews the Royal Oak pub in Upstreet, Canterbury

I reckoned it lacked a little kerb appeal but the owner of the Royal Oak said I'd underplayed it and the pub ‘looks like a right ****hole from the outside’.

At first we’d thought it was closed, or perhaps even closed down, but a neon pink sign in one window read open so we decided to defy the odds.

If it hadn’t been for the pinky, red neon sign in the window we might have passed the Royal Oak on Island Road in Upstreet thinking it was closed, or perhaps even closed down
If it hadn’t been for the pinky, red neon sign in the window we might have passed the Royal Oak on Island Road in Upstreet thinking it was closed, or perhaps even closed down

Being completely honest, maintenance work on two railway crossings had blocked all routes out of the area so we were left with little choice but to try this ‘interesting looking’ inn which claims a history stretching back to the 17th century.

I wouldn’t say it was freezing inside but I certainly wouldn’t describe it as warm either and several folks were keeping their coats on – barman Simon was sporting a parka himself and, at this stage, I wasn’t sure how long either we, or he to be honest, might be staying.

And looking down the taps on the scaffold board bar didn’t give rise to much more hope, I mean, I like a Kronie as much as the next man, but having it on four pumps?

This is the back door to the Royal Oak and you can get in this way from the car park
This is the back door to the Royal Oak and you can get in this way from the car park
I felt there was a little bit of work needed to improve the pub’s kerb appeal – owner Simon went further: “It looks a right ****hole from outside”, he said
I felt there was a little bit of work needed to improve the pub’s kerb appeal – owner Simon went further: “It looks a right ****hole from outside”, he said

There was a cider and we were offered bottles, but the Apprentice and I both accepted the house’s main offering and lined up Kronenbourgs. Mrs SD stuck to the vine and went for a Pinot Grigio but having rushed this one down shifted across the colours for a Malbec, which she felt was a much better choice.

Change for the round was taken directly out of the barman’s stake fund for his ongoing card game with locals.

It would perhaps be best, and fairest, to describe this place as a work in progress and our host, who previously ran Spitfire Cafes in Dymchurch and Hythe, is the first to admit he’s got a fairly lengthy ‘to do list’.

Kronenbourg, Kronenbourg, Kronenbourg or Kronenbourg – there used to be more choice available on tap and I’m sure there will be again soon
Kronenbourg, Kronenbourg, Kronenbourg or Kronenbourg – there used to be more choice available on tap and I’m sure there will be again soon

As a local resident for a good few years Simon Kidd believes preserving the pub for the village of Upstreet is important so when it came up for sale in lockdown he decided to give it a go, that plus the fact it’s just round the corner from home.

I think the best description of the pub as it stands would be ‘fascinating’ – where else would the toilet cistern be sprayed gold, a plastic dustbin be used to hold papers or the publican offer to show you his back room?

The quantity of gold items, eclectic decorations and gaudy bits and bobs, not to mention the curtain behind the bar, gave it the feel of an old bordello.

There is an eclectic mixture of furniture in the pub and there are also several screens for when the football is on
There is an eclectic mixture of furniture in the pub and there are also several screens for when the football is on
When we first walked in the barman, like his customers, still had his coat on, but as the heaters kicked in people soon warmed up. The coins on the bar are card stake money
When we first walked in the barman, like his customers, still had his coat on, but as the heaters kicked in people soon warmed up. The coins on the bar are card stake money

Simon appeared, and disappeared, from behind the curtain like a latter-day Mr Benn and did even change once - well, as the heaters brought the temperature up he jettisoned the coat.

Sadly we were just a week too early to eat as Sunday roasts are due to start on March 12, with Simon taking on all chef duties.

So far we’d only sampled what the front bar had to offer but accessing the side bar through a side door (with Simon popping through his curtain) we experienced the full grandeur of the other bar, with a pool table, three dartboards (two of them electronic and linked to the internet so you can play anyone, anywhere in the world) and ‘books’ of LP records featuring Gilbert and Sullivan operas.

The open fires weren’t alight when we were in
The open fires weren’t alight when we were in
That’s quite an array of dartboards – traditional arrows in the middle with specialist soft-tip boards on either side
That’s quite an array of dartboards – traditional arrows in the middle with specialist soft-tip boards on either side

The toilets are through here too and the door to the ladies is reasonably obvious, but first time visitors might struggle to find the gents, which is hidden away in a very dark corner.

Once inside your life will be brightened considerably as Simon has spread gold paint around on several items, including the cistern and it’s quite classy.

It’s as traditional as the rest of the place and was clean and fresh – though the missing panel on the cubicle door might have me thinking twice before a No.2 visit.

The lightweight door on the toilet cubicle has been crafted from a selection of translucent plastic panels, though a crucial missing piece might compromise your privacy
The lightweight door on the toilet cubicle has been crafted from a selection of translucent plastic panels, though a crucial missing piece might compromise your privacy

The jukebox was playing a wide variety of tunes at a decent level, but Simon is also pushing ahead with live music and tonight (Friday, March 10) Echo 90 will be playing Britpop/Indie covers from, you guessed it, the 1990s.

This pub is not the finished article, Mrs SD reckons it needs a decent tidy up by a good woman at the very least, but the fact is, we all loved it.

This is exactly the sort of place we should all be supporting and encouraging – Simon must be applauded for making every effort to keep the village pub alive, and the fact he’s introducing food and live music just adds to the appeal.

Locals prefer to position themselves on stools in the front bar, not least because they can take part in the card school
Locals prefer to position themselves on stools in the front bar, not least because they can take part in the card school
Partially covered, and positioned just outside the back door, this is the smoking area for anyone seeking a crafty fag
Partially covered, and positioned just outside the back door, this is the smoking area for anyone seeking a crafty fag

If I’ve ever reviewed a pub worthy of your custom then this is it.

Train lines are running again and routes out of Upstreet reopened but there are plenty of other reasons to visit the Royal Oak.

Some folk will absolutely hate it, others will love its hidden charms, but above all, Simon is a man who deserves you to pay him a visit.

The Royal Oak introduced me to a few ‘firsts’ during my visit – I’d certainly never seen a toilet cistern painted gold before
The Royal Oak introduced me to a few ‘firsts’ during my visit – I’d certainly never seen a toilet cistern painted gold before

The Royal Oak, 60 Island Road, Upstreet, Canterbury CT3 4DA

Decor: I found the whole place absolutely fascinating and if Simon offers to show you his back room I suggest you take him up on his offer. Mrs SD insists it must lose one star as it’s a work in progress. ****

Drink: The Kronie was absolutely fine, and there was cider on tap but the rest is currently in bottles. Mrs SD also rated the Malbec but it can’t score too highly without beer on tap. **

Price: A pint of Kronenbourg was £4.60 and a large wine (white or red) cost less than a pound more at £5.50. I don’t know what a Sunday roast will cost when they start this weekend, but the full English breakfast for £7.95 looks brilliant. ****

Staff: What you see is what you get. For me Simon Kidd is a fantastic landlord and is working hard to create a great village pub. There’s a way to go and not everyone will feel the same, but I loved his down to earth approach. *****

This is the view from the back of the pub and you can clearly see the curtain to the left where Simon appears, Mr Benn-like, just when you’re not expecting it
This is the view from the back of the pub and you can clearly see the curtain to the left where Simon appears, Mr Benn-like, just when you’re not expecting it
Dark walls are brightened up with several features picked out in gold. The toilets have been tastefully decorated and were clean and fresh
Dark walls are brightened up with several features picked out in gold. The toilets have been tastefully decorated and were clean and fresh
The Apprentice and I felt it would have been rude not to play a few frames of pool – although I’m keeping stumm regarding the result!
The Apprentice and I felt it would have been rude not to play a few frames of pool – although I’m keeping stumm regarding the result!
They look like large books, but these are actually hefty collections of old LPs featuring tunes from Gilbert and Sullivan
They look like large books, but these are actually hefty collections of old LPs featuring tunes from Gilbert and Sullivan
Wherever you look you’ll spy selections of interesting, unusual items – these are arranged on the front windowsill
Wherever you look you’ll spy selections of interesting, unusual items – these are arranged on the front windowsill

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